k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
