"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
