i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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