the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
