xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
