i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
