Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
