I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
