i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
