i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
