i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
