I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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