WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
