OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
