too bad you live with your parents still
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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