if only i could text you this smell
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
