turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
