i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
