I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
