Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
