you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
