btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
