I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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