He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
