happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
