omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
