Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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