Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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