Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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