you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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