apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
