One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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