Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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