the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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