wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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