you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
