i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
