i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
