why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
