how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
