You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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