I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
