I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
