This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
