I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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