We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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