PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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