Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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