You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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