I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
