Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
