this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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