i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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