That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
