she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
