Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
