Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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