I wish my penis had an off switch
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
